Ugh, it has been faaar too long.

I've been on a bit of a hiatus from social networking/blogging sites. I'm trying to get back into it and be an active blogger. So here it goes again!

Right now I'm student teaching two days a week...and it's hard! It is definitely a humbling experience. I teach high schoolers who don't want to be there most of the time. I'm really leaning toward the wee ones (like kindergarten through fourth grade)...right now I feel as though all the magic and fluff of teaching is just taken out with the older ones. Some people might like a more serious audience, but I love making a production and getting the kids excited! But, the reality of being an art teacher is that I don't get as much of a choice as some teachers. Since I'll be certified to K-12, I could really go anywhere. And with jobs so scarce, teaching high school is a very real possibility.

Also, I'm stage managing an opera, which is even harder. I thought I was somewhat prepared since I've stage managed recitals before. Boy was I wrong! During dance recitals, the biggest thing I have to worry about is getting the girls in their places when they're on stage and to shut up when they're not. In this, the whole show starts and ends when I say it does. Lights, curtains, everything. And since I don't know the intricate dance of things like Conductor's Special and curtain calls, it's been a HUGE learning experience. Needless to say I had a meltdown the other day. But I feel like we need to do that sometimes. I got all my tears out (in the shop. haha) and then got back into it. Yesterday was opening night and I felt much more comfortable. Yes there were slight problems, but much better than rehearsal.

So that's what's going on with me. Among other things, but that's for another upcoming post!

I'm done Sunday

I'm gonna start a new blog trend called "I'm Done Sunday"

Now I know this sounds a little severe, the phrase "I'm done" sounds like defeat, frustration, and thoughts that aren't so positive. But, while I do throw up my hands at these things, I know that writing them down and sharing them with a world of people that don't know my situation and only know my side is somehow empowering; and helps me see that it'll get better. By writing it, it's cementing it. I can't take it back and that's the way I want it to be. So with that, here's I'm done Sunday. Feel free to post this on your respective blogs as well. 

I'm done with feeling guilty about everything. (And when I say everything, I mean it. How that person felt when I said that thing that wasn't really related to them, how I came across through that text, etc)

I'm done with hating myself. I know I've said this a lot, but this time I mean it.

I'm done with caring about things I don't need to. This does sound harsh, but when you care about as much as I do, I need a little bit of a break. This does not mean people, or important things, this means things that only cause me more anxiety than anyone ever needs.

I'm done with suppressing my feelings when I need them to be heard. 

I'm done with taking the wrong things personally.

I'm done not standing up for what I believe in. With that, I'm done not believing in myself. 

So that's it. I don't know what's compelled me to do this, but I'm done caring about how it makes other people feel. After all, it's just a blog, if you don't like it don't follow me! So what are YOU done with on this Sunday evening?

 

 

It's Ok Thursday!

Yay for Thursday!

  So, It's Ok... ...to REALLY want to go home this weekend....to feel like you've been betrayed by the weather this winter....to plan your wedding...even though you don't even have a boyfriend....to confidently say that the play you helped direct went really well....to be mad at your roommates every once in a while (was this on here last week?)...to feel like you're falling apart because all ailments are hitting you at once....to be a hypocondriac....to be incredibly lazy this week after the play....to be mad that you did not have a showmance...even though they never ever work....buy yourself a bagel and a latte even though you're well aware it's bad for you.
What's ok with you?! :)

Singing those lonely blues...

Well, the play is officially over. It was amazing, and I'm so glad I chose to assistant direct. I can't wait to direct more. But as it winds down, and I see my cast members with their families and significant others (my family, sadly could not make it), I get a case of the lonelies. This happens at the end of most of the productions I'm in. For some reason I have this idea in my head that I'm gonna meet someone in a show. Even though I know damn well that showmances never, ever, EVER work. From experience and from fellow actress friends' stories. But it doesn't stop my mind from going everywhere about it. So every show that I do that I don't end up with some prospect of a relationship after I get a little down. It sucks being a single girl sometimes.
I think part of the reason I get like this is that it is so hard for me to meet guys based on my interests. I honestly have the interests of a flamboyant gay man (theatre, Broadway, the arts, pink, and glitter to name a few of my loves) so therefore it makes it really hard for me to meet people. I don't like outside, I don't like to drink beer, I don't like football (unless it's the Steelers), I don't like the stereotypical guy stuff...so I'm just stuck. When I do meet a straight, attractive guy in a show I can't help my mind wanderings. And I usually get let down.
So I'm chalking it all up to terrible luck. It really feels like I can't win in the relationship department. You would think for as long as I've been single (basically my whole life) that I would handle it better. But I really don't enjoy it, I thrive on the people around me and shared experience, and I would really like someone to share accomplishments and ups and downs with. Ok, sad-fest about single life is now over.

At least the show was a wild success. If I do say so myself. That's the director (also named Katie) and myself in the (very green) green room before a performance. 

Yay it's Thursday!

Linking up again! I love It's OK Thursdays.

Alrighty. This has been a LONG week. Definitely need one of these to remind me it's ok! :)

...to do this instead of studying. I will once this is done. 

...to call your mom and have a good cry because there's just so much going on.

...to be really really excited/nervous/proud of the first show I've helped direct.

...to talk to a ghost in the creepy theater asking it to be nice to you.

...to still want it to snow. And to still hold out hope that it's on its way.

...to get annoyed with your best friends every once in a while. You know you still love them.

...to just want to be home.

...to actually put effort in my appearance today even though I'm probably not going anywhere.

...to miss your brother. I wish he could just come visit and cheer me up!

...to have apples and peanut butter for lunch.

...to still love care packages from my mom. And the funny cards she sends.

I'm the only one who decided to wear my big girl undies today...

Why is it that I'm the one who has to solve the problems of my entire townhouse of six girls that are 20 years of age or older? Why is it that everyone (not me included...in the case of cleaning anyway) will sit around and bitch about how much they don't like something that another roommate does or they want something to change BUT DO NOTHING TO CHANGE IT? It's beyond me. Now, I will admit, I am never one for confrontation. I will wait until the very last minute of the eleventh hour to confront someone if I can. But it's really not that hard when you really want to get something done.
For example: one of my roommates (let's call her roommate A), comes to me and complains about roommate B, and also tells me that roommate C is fed up with roommate B not picking up after herself. Why don't they tell each other this? I will NEVER know.

So therefore, today I decided that enough is enough. I will NO longer be in the middle of all of this. First of all, two of my roommates are my best friends. One is more close to me than the other. So this makes me out to be the referee in basically any case. So what do I do? Ask myself..."how would a teacher handle this?" and therefore suggest a chore chart. YEP. That's right. I don't care if these girls haven't seen one since second grade, this is what's happening. (It's mostly because I saw one of my roommates cleaning the bathroom today and realized that I couldn't remember when I had done that last. Yes...sort of icky. But I'm sure we've all been there.) And I felt really bad about that. My mom did not raise me to be a freeloader. And no one in my living space will be one either.

SICK. AND. TIRED.

Oh and most likely at least one of my roommates is going to get annoyed with me about being a big girl about this. Fun fun.

My first ever link up!

Let's hope this works...

Alright here goes nothing!

It's ok...

To shamelessly take Kate's link up. But this looked fun!

To wait until the last day to write two papers.

To lay in bed playing Where's my Water because you can't sleep.

To love the snow outside and wish it would never go away.

To go to class, knowing that you're not going to be creative or productive today.

To be feeling like a proud mama with my "Earnest" cast, first two days off book and barely any line calls!

To miss your art students that you have in the summer, a lot.

To want to be done with school and just start teaching already!

Yay! First link up! :) I would say what's ok with you? But Kate, you're my only follower at the moment. Hahaha. :)